None of the protest and none of the looting that may or may not come from the protest is worth anyone getting hurt or dying today. If people need to make a point, a very important point by breaking windows, so let it be. For people who are racist, it is ingrained in them in childhood. No one is born and thinks as a baby "I want to grow up and be racist" and violent. Racism is violent. Everyone, everyone wants to be healthy, happy, and at peace. We develop, grow, and learn more from the womb to 7 years than any other time in our life. When people are racist, it doesn't mean they are good, bad, right, wrong. It means their childhood trauma has not been addressed and healed from. Childhood trauma is the #1 public health crisis in the Nation that no one seems to want to address. To address racism we also need to address it long term. For people who are racist they need to be addressed gently with empathy, as we all do, for long term change. This will allow them to feel safe so they don't have to be defensive and so they can heal, grow, shift, and change. One of the gifts of COVID 19 is that we are forced to be more present. We can use this presence not only to make it through COVID but also to collectively make it through this racism. When we are not being present we are putting others around us in a box. Do you want your lack of presence keeping someone around you from changing for their or the collectives highest good? If you want a racist to change you need to hold space and give them the opportunity to change. I am not saying I am right but I am not saying that I am wrong either. I am saying let's start a conversation where we can be present and empathetic and love. We are all connected! We are all one! LOVE!
Hi! :) Are you a "YES" Person? I used to be!
Maybe being a "YES" Person is part of being a female raised in the rural south. Or maybe it was just part of my families dynamics. But I did not know how to say no. There was so much risk and fear wrapped up in saying no. Disappointment, Rejection, Retaliation, Isolation, Loneliness, just to name a few.
Then I went through a very traumatic experience that is now one of the greatest gifts that I ever received.
I was in college and dating a man that got stationed in South Korea one week after 9/11. We spoke every other day and emailed when he had internet access at an internet cafe. I sent him love letters everyday and care packages often. About 5 months in, he cheated on me. One of his friends girlfriends accidentally came across an email where he was "bragging" about it and she let me know and forwarded me the email. I was devastated. I was devastated to the point that almost all of my plants died.
Unfortunately but fortunately I was speaking with one of my classmates about it. I think she was also the "President" or some other office of this Nutrition club we were in. (Eye roll) As I was balling my eyes out to her, she asked me to head up a fundraiser. Well I can not stand fundraising period! Especially not when I am going through a break up. Between my gasp of air while crying I said "yes". Simply because I did not know how to say no. Well, that is the last time I ever said yes unless it is something that I 100%, without a doubt, want to say yes to!
The overwhelm of school, the breakup, and now the god awful fundraiser led me to a mental breakdown.
Every since, if I am not 100% without a doubt sure, even if I am 99% sure, I say "let me think about it", "Give me a couple days to think about it.", "I will let you know in a couple days." or if I know I don't want to say yes, I say "No." If someone has a problem with that response or is impatient, that is their problem. That is their personal growth to bare. The weight of saying No and risking the disappointment, rejection, retaliation, isolation, loneliness is nothing compared to the weight of being overwhelmed, having health issues or a mental breakdown, and letting yourself down.
Since, I have helped other people to say no by telling them this story. It also helps to know that the person who you are telling no to is probably more receptive to it than you let yourself realize. Perhaps even appreciative and respectful of your boundaries. It is helpful for everyone's growth. Here is an example... you ask your roommate to help you plant a garden and they don't want to. Would you rather them say "No, I don't want to." so you can get on with it yourself or find someone else to help you? Or would you rather them say "Yes" when they have no intention, string you along, you feel left hanging, and then it is too late to plant a garden?
Since I have received this gift of saying no I have also learned discernment, more and better boundaries and self love. Energy work, Meditation, Hypnosis, Deep Breathing have all helped me be in touch with all of the different parts of myself and love myself. One of the best ways I love myself is discerning who I let into my life and having boundaries. There are so many ways for us to love ourselves but for me, in this incarnation, this is one of the best ways for me.
If you are a "YES" person, I hope this helped you. If you are not a "YES" person, I hope you found this story entertaining.
Even though I have received messages not to give in to the news, numbers, conspiracy theories I still have residual, neurotic needs to know. When I was sick 3 times between the beginning of December to the beginning of February, did I have the coronavirus? The answer came to me that it doesn't matter, I don't need to know. Perhaps I need to be more present?
If I do come down with the coronavirus in the future? Why? There has to be a deeper meaning. The answer is personal and spiritual growth and to work on my ego. After all, we are on this planet, this earthly plane, in these weird human space suits for spiritual growth. But most of us forget that.
The gift of the coronavirus is presence. More than ever we don't know what tomorrow will bring much less a month from now, or a few months from now, or a year from now, or a few years from now. So we have no other choice than to be present which is how we should be anyway.
My ears have been bothering me for months. Why? Well, they are not bothering me in this moment, so it doesn't matter. Maybe if my physical body does bother me, I just need to bring presence into which ever body part is bothering me at that moment.
There are a few classes I want to take, well I can't take them today so it doesn't matter. How freeing to not be making plans for the fall or 2021. So many institutions that have bound us, put us in a violent, suppressive, oppressive, repressive, depressive boxes are going to fall. How freeing. How freeing to simply be present. How freeing to simply be.
When we are not being present we are also putting others around us in a box. We all have the ability to change. Do you want someone elses lack of presence keeping you in a box? Do you want your lack of presence keeping someone around you from changing for the highest good?
We don't know where the coronavirus came from. Did it come from a bat or is it man made? Regardless of where it came from is it political? Is it being used to manipulate us? It doesn't matter. Trump, Republicans, Democrats, The CIA, The New World Order, and The Wizard of Oz are only so powerful. Who is powerful is The Universe, God(s), Angels, Mother Earth, Love. They are whats true and authentic and powerful and what will take care of us so we can be present and love.
The economy may suffer but look at this shift with an open mind. How can I be more resourceful? More creative? More Compassionate? It is ok to make money during this time and not feel survivors guilt because you can be kind, caring, loving, discerning, compassionate, and generous. Perhaps the greatest gratitude for our gifts is generosity. Looting may take place but is it possible that we can stop it before it starts? By checking on those we love to make sure they have enough food to eat. Or if we don't have enough food to eat, dissolving shame and reaching out and saying "Hey, I don't have enough food to eat, can you help me or do you know someone who can?" If there is anyone who is reading this that can not afford to eat right now. Please let someone know. Maybe they can help you, if not, maybe they know someone who can. We are all one.
Recently I watched Dave Chappelle receive the Mark Twain award. It was a very inspiring program with a couple of inspiring quotes. Dave Chappelle spoke of how sensitive he is and his mom told him something like "Be a Lion so you can be the Lamb that you are."
Also Lorne Michael mentioned the quote " This is precisely the time when artist go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal." by Toni Morrison. The awards program was in the fall but that quote seems even more appropriate today. Some sources say the opposite of fear is love.
I loved that Toni Morrison quote so much that I looked up more of her quotes and came across this one as well, "We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That maybe the measure of our lives."
In my readings this week I also came across another quote from Rumi. "Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
Inspirational quotes have gotten me through some of the hardest moments in my life. I remember there was this one moment that was especially hard and pivotal. I moved by myself from the east coast to Los Angeles and didn't know anyone, had very little savings, and no job to go to. I had a collection of magnets with inspirational quotes on them. I read them over and over and over again, just to get through. Here are some of the quotes. In no particular order.
"Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to walk boldly through them" Orison Sweet Marden
"Risk more than others this is safe, care more than others think is wise, dream more than others this is practical, expect more than others think is possible." Cadet Maxim
"If you're going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill
"Be yourself. Everbody else is already taken." Oscar Wilde
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." unknown
"Everything thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." Leo Tolstoy
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." Benjamin Franklin
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Niebuhr
"Never never never give up." Winston Churchill
I hope you enjoyed this. Please let me know if you would like to read more of my writing.
Between living in DC and LA I temporarily moved back to North Carolina and got introduced to Theta Healing and even read the book and took the intro class. The person who introduced me to Theta Healing also showed me this booklet for a Theta Healing class she took on manifesting your most compatible soul mate. I feel like using those tools helped me manifest my husband a year and a half to two years later. I also lived (according to astrocatrography) in a location good for love/ romance when I met KC. I have really good astrology in LA.
When manifesting your most compatible soul mate be aware that
You have a lot of soul mates so we are being specific and manifesting our most compatible one.
Its not about "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong" etc... Its about compatibility.
Also, we often forget to manifest the most important attributes..
Loving, Caring, Kind.
Also, 50% of men have the genes, genetics, dna to be monogamous and 50% of them don't. Again monogamy and not being monogamous is not "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong" its about compatibility.
So when manifesting your most compatible soul mate don't get much more specific than
Manifesting your most compatible soul mate who happens to be loving, caring, kind and then specify monogamous or not.
Being more specific than this is possibly closing you off to who your most compatible soul mate is.
Write Most Compatible Soul Mate, Loving, Caring, Kind, and then specify monogamy or not on white paper with a purple pen. Leave it under the moon light. I put reiki energy on to the paper while praying before putting it under the moonlight and after removing it. If you do not know reiki simply generate healing energy in the form of unconditional love onto the paper. You are all intuitive beings and use intuition as to when to do this, how often, for how long. Then even use intention when throwing the paper away. Do all of this with the intention of highest good for everyone involved. I also include Mother Earth.
Once KC and I did meet and decide to be together it was bumpy and there was a power struggle. Power struggle is inevitable. Its just if you both choose to make it through the power struggle or not. I thought once our power struggle was over and we got married that we wouldn't have to go through another one, I was wrong. Power struggle is inevitable as part of marriage even if you have already been through it dating. Fortunately we went through our power struggle the first few months of marriage and hopefully with fingers crossed, got it out of the way. We are coming up on our 5 year anniv this week.
Living up here in Northern California I have found a Core Individuation practitioner I have gone to for six years now. He also facilitates Theta Healing and I still get Theta Healing sessions occasionally. If you are interested in any Core Individuation sessions or inquiring about Theta Healing here is his link. He does facilitate distance
Also if you are interested in having your astrological chart done here is my astrologers info. He helped me decide to move to LA and helped emotionally support me during my move. I get my chart done with him every couple to few years.
There is magic in being alone
When you open the door and there is no one there
Your lungs can fill with the expansion of the freedom in your home
you can do as you will to decompress from your day
and allow your body to sink in where ever you may
There is magic in being alone
you can do as you will or do as you need
without any other energy to get in your way
you can turn on music and sing and dance
or watch an old movie that you have already seen 100 times
and no one is there to judge you
There is magic in being alone
you can clean and clean as you will
or not clean and slob as you will
and no one is there to judge you
you can wake up at noon, read those books you have been wanting to for months or years, eat or not eat, and create, create, create
food, writing, singing, dancing, painting, drawing, mosaics, collages, just to name a few.
The possibilities are endless when there is no other energy in your way.
There is magic in being alone
You can connect to God on your own, no one needs to do it for you
you can pray or meditate, light candles, and master your own ceremonies.
We are all equal and we are all one
There is magic in being alone
You can hold space for yourself in your hardest times
Yes you can, you can do it
and grow and heal
and heal and grow
When we are all able to be together again
we will be more whole because you will be more whole
There is magic in being alone
There is so much magic in being alone
maybe someday bored will never ever enter your vocabulary ever again
There is magic in being alone
There once was this man. He was 6'8" and 313lbs of solid muscle, with beautiful golden brown skin, long black hair, tattoos of reverence, and handsome to say the least. He was the best hunter in his tribe, everyone depended on him to eat.
He could revere this gift with gratitude and pass along the food he provided with honor and the energy of love. Everyone in his tribe could live in peace, harmony, happiness with plenty of love to go around. But he chose to not appreciate his gift. He chose to see his gift as a means to treat everyone as subordinate and pawns and to not see their gifts that were helping his game, his machine work. His wife and son were of a vulnerable stature and were terrified of him. He had turned them into shells of people dissociating from their true spirits and creativity and gifts. They, their shells still depended on the nutrients of the food he provided. The elders who were once wise now have to dissociate from their wisdom for their emaciating shells to survive. The other men, happen to be not as big as him, so he throws his weight around and beats them. They don't even have to be in his way.
The hunter feels that if his needs are met, everyone's needs are met. The hunter feels that if he is happy, everyone is happy. Until one day, he falls ill and can no longer hunt. The other men in the tribe are able to be creative and utilize their gifts to provide food with gratitude and love. His wife and child are able to release fear, regain their posture, and find their true spirits and creativity. The elders are able to retrieve their wisdom, authenticity and confidence. They only make so much effort to nurse the hunter back to health.
There came the day for the tribe to pack up and move due to weather, hunting, and their usual migratory patterns. The hunter became a weight, baggage none of them no longer wanted to bare. With their new found peace, love, harmony, and happiness they were able to discern that he and the food he provided was not healthy for the tribe. They set intention and prayed over him and left him uncovered in the elements. The hunter is now the hunted.
As I am writing this to share, I am writing it to myself as well.
Its easy to check into and watch the news, watch the numbers, and and come up with theories and declare ourselves experts with what is going on.
The coronavirus is new and because it is new the experts aren't even experts, the government and our employers have never been in a situation like this and are panicked.
No matter where the virus came from we have to rise up and take responsibility for it ourselves by staying inside or respecting social distancing, being creative and helping lift others up or by making masks. What a great time for practicing boundaries and respecting others boundaries. Surrender to what we are going through, be present, be calm, don't compare (Including numbers) and don't have expectations (again we haven't been through this situation before). When we want to compare, have expectations, and judge, that is ego.
We, as humans, are already ignorant. It is just part of being human. And when we check into the news, the numbers, the fear, the conspiracy theories made by other ignorant human beings we are dumbing ourselves down even more. If you can picture yourself spiraling down into darkness where you can see nothing, much less see anything clearly. If you surrender, be present, be calm, don't compare, don't have expectations, take care of yourself (LOVE), allow yourself to enjoy your family (LOVE), be creative and share your gifts (LOVE), laugh (LOVE), and have fun (LOVE) you will lift yourself and those around you up to the tops of the trees for an expansive perspective. You may not like what you see but you will see clearly and practice observation.
For those of us with differing political views and we can't seem to agree to disagree, LOVE from a distance until we free ourselves from our egos, free ourselves from our judgments and find tolerance(LOVE).
When we come out of this, the economy may be bad but it may be bad for most everyone. It can be a time of being creative, resourceful, and of dissolving the shame around money and lack. Can you imagine how wonderful a world without shame could be? To redefine the American Dream into The New American Dream.
As I sit here, evacuated from the fire I relax in front of the warmth and ambience of a fire in the fireplace
With no buzzing sound of electricity
The lack of creature comforts to occupy me And no Netflix to distract me
I lay feeling waves of tension, emotions, moods, and I analyze
I analyze the difference between the uncontained fire driving me from my home and possibly taking my home
And at present, the small beautiful contained fire keeping me warm
Uncontained Fire: Big, wild, scary, ungrounded, ungrounding, dangerous, destructive, shifting and changing with a minds of its own Shifting and changing us, cleansing the earth, while damaging our lungs
Contained Fire: Small, warm beautiful, of service, nurturing, meditative Could this fire reflect our egos to us?
The inevitable ego that is part of every ones human experience
The uncontained, immature, wild fool
Shifting and changing ideally free of judgement and with patience
But more realistically with Earthly human judgement and impatience
To the untapped contained wise human that so many of us have the capacity to be
It has been an interesting past few days but perhaps months including with the coronavirus. I thought I would just share with a few of you on here.
I had been sick three times in the short period of the beginning of Dec 2019 to the beginning of Feb 2020. It was very odd, strange, weird in regards to the symptoms, the duration, and that during the same time there were tons of chem trails in the sky. I set the intention that the time spent laying around was for reading, meditation, contemplation, personal growth. I was able to accomplish this some of the time but not all of the time. I set out to surrender and to work on my ego and the hardest part... how to deal with other peoples egos. Especially everyone's supplement advice and the trigger of not possibly taking good enough care of myself, even though, I am in touch with my body and know my body better than anyone. It triggers memories of my mother scolding me when I was younger for not taking good enough care of myself and that is why I am sick. It felt then and unfortunately still feels now, like a punishment. Even though, I now have the validation of Chronic Epstein Barr Virus and the blood work to prove it, it is still only so/so helpful because not many people know what Epstein Barr is. And because the way I have decided to approach it is unconventional and unpopular. However, I catch myself giving unsolicited supplement advice so I have to look in the mirror and karma is a bitch. If I have ever given you unsolicited supplement advice, and I am sure I have, I apologize.
The last time I was sick, it was nearly impossible to read, meditate, contemplate, or grow. I felt impaired cognition and suppressed. How interesting to feel so disempowered this way so close to the election.
During the third time I was sick I finally gave in a went to the MD at a clinic here in Healdsburg. I was asked had I traveled internationally? No Had I come in contact with anyone who had been to China recently? I don't know. I work around sick people constantly. If people are sick, they stay in unless they go to the grocery store, especially my department. When I let the receptionist know this, he rolled his eyes. There was a thought that came into my head.. did I have the coronavirus? All these symptoms I have had sure are strange, weird, odd. I knew again it would be an "unpopular" thought so I stuffed it to the back of my mind.
Now that the coronavirus has just entered the States, I don't buy it, I feel like its already been here. But again, I stuff this "unpopular" thought to the back of my head. Then last Saturday I come into work and 2 1/2 shelves of sanitizer gone! A co worker speculates that perhaps I already have had the coronavirus. I am relieved to have someone I can joke about this with. I start making kits for people to make their own with essential oils, A co-worker prints off recipes for homemade sanitizer. Then over then next few days we sell out of 70% isopropyl alcohol, sell out of aloe vera gel, start selling vodka. People come in with stories of $100 dollar bottles of sanitizer on amazon, people getting shamed on facebook for sharing recipes of sanitizer that doesn't include alcohol or the wrong kind of alcohol, and the CDC doesn't know anything about essential oils. I laugh with relief that I am no longer on social media. And now we have sold out of three shelves of zinc lonzenges, manufacturers are selling out of elderberry and Umka. The stress of the situation was emphasized with the digestive section. If people weren't coming in for sanitizer and immune boosters, they were coming in for tums.
During this time, I feel a deep dark depression. Is part of it because I am inundated with panicked people for an 8 hour shift? Especially during a mercury retrograde. Also the increase in my husband working and the elections depressed me. I reached out for help on a hope chat line. I also wanted to vent and process about the economy and housing crisis in Northern California as well as this really depressing docuseries I saw on Netflix. Instead of letting me vent and process, the person who was supposed to be holding space for me regardless if we saw eye to eye or not started messaging me about politics and called Californians liberals. I messaged "I have clarity now." meaning I have clarity to get off this chat with you. I got off the chat line feeling unsupported by her but supported by the humor of the situation.
Last night was interesting because at work we had one bottle of 70% of isopropyl alcohol left, one bag of zinc lozenges left, and a few bottles of locally made hand sanitizer (that dwindled down to 0 by the end of the night) left. You can see the wheels turning on the customers brains as they decide if they should buy it or not.
Perhaps they are saying to themselves...
"I already have some at home, I shouldn't buy the last bottle. What if someone else needs it? But I want to buy it just in case."
"I really want hand sanitizer but I don't want to spend $6.99 for it. But even more, I don't want my wife pissed if I come home empty handed."
Perhaps they were feeling a duality. Feeling fear but not wanting to feel fear.
They pick it up and put it in their cart, perhaps even make it to the line with the purchase and return it.
This happened with the alcohol atleast once, the zinc lozenges twice, and the last bottle of hand sanitizer a couple or few times.
One person who did this with the alcohol let me know later that they have a cousin who works in some health type department and the coronavirus has been here since November! Ah Ha! I knew it! This could be true or misinformation. But our minds should be open. The most toxic thing about this is fear and stress.
I feel like this has been a really interesting surreal experience and I just wanted to share it, may add some observation, some open mindedness, and some humor to it, and help release some fear. Thank you for reading and letting me share.