As I sit here, evacuated from the fire I relax in front of the warmth and ambience of a fire in the fireplace
With no buzzing sound of electricity
The lack of creature comforts to occupy me And no Netflix to distract me
I lay feeling waves of tension, emotions, moods, and I analyze
I analyze the difference between the uncontained fire driving me from my home and possibly taking my home
And at present, the small beautiful contained fire keeping me warm
Uncontained Fire: Big, wild, scary, ungrounded, ungrounding, dangerous, destructive, shifting and changing with a minds of its own Shifting and changing us, cleansing the earth, while damaging our lungs
Contained Fire: Small, warm beautiful, of service, nurturing, meditative Could this fire reflect our egos to us?
The inevitable ego that is part of every ones human experience
The uncontained, immature, wild fool
Shifting and changing ideally free of judgement and with patience
But more realistically with Earthly human judgement and impatience
To the untapped contained wise human that so many of us have the capacity to be
It has been an interesting past few days but perhaps months including with the coronavirus. I thought I would just share with a few of you on here.
I had been sick three times in the short period of the beginning of Dec 2019 to the beginning of Feb 2020. It was very odd, strange, weird in regards to the symptoms, the duration, and that during the same time there were tons of chem trails in the sky. I set the intention that the time spent laying around was for reading, meditation, contemplation, personal growth. I was able to accomplish this some of the time but not all of the time. I set out to surrender and to work on my ego and the hardest part... how to deal with other peoples egos. Especially everyone's supplement advice and the trigger of not possibly taking good enough care of myself, even though, I am in touch with my body and know my body better than anyone. It triggers memories of my mother scolding me when I was younger for not taking good enough care of myself and that is why I am sick. It felt then and unfortunately still feels now, like a punishment. Even though, I now have the validation of Chronic Epstein Barr Virus and the blood work to prove it, it is still only so/so helpful because not many people know what Epstein Barr is. And because the way I have decided to approach it is unconventional and unpopular. However, I catch myself giving unsolicited supplement advice so I have to look in the mirror and karma is a bitch. If I have ever given you unsolicited supplement advice, and I am sure I have, I apologize.
The last time I was sick, it was nearly impossible to read, meditate, contemplate, or grow. I felt impaired cognition and suppressed. How interesting to feel so disempowered this way so close to the election.
During the third time I was sick I finally gave in a went to the MD at a clinic here in Healdsburg. I was asked had I traveled internationally? No Had I come in contact with anyone who had been to China recently? I don't know. I work around sick people constantly. If people are sick, they stay in unless they go to the grocery store, especially my department. When I let the receptionist know this, he rolled his eyes. There was a thought that came into my head.. did I have the coronavirus? All these symptoms I have had sure are strange, weird, odd. I knew again it would be an "unpopular" thought so I stuffed it to the back of my mind.
Now that the coronavirus has just entered the States, I don't buy it, I feel like its already been here. But again, I stuff this "unpopular" thought to the back of my head. Then last Saturday I come into work and 2 1/2 shelves of sanitizer gone! A co worker speculates that perhaps I already have had the coronavirus. I am relieved to have someone I can joke about this with. I start making kits for people to make their own with essential oils, A co-worker prints off recipes for homemade sanitizer. Then over then next few days we sell out of 70% isopropyl alcohol, sell out of aloe vera gel, start selling vodka. People come in with stories of $100 dollar bottles of sanitizer on amazon, people getting shamed on facebook for sharing recipes of sanitizer that doesn't include alcohol or the wrong kind of alcohol, and the CDC doesn't know anything about essential oils. I laugh with relief that I am no longer on social media. And now we have sold out of three shelves of zinc lonzenges, manufacturers are selling out of elderberry and Umka. The stress of the situation was emphasized with the digestive section. If people weren't coming in for sanitizer and immune boosters, they were coming in for tums.
During this time, I feel a deep dark depression. Is part of it because I am inundated with panicked people for an 8 hour shift? Especially during a mercury retrograde. Also the increase in my husband working and the elections depressed me. I reached out for help on a hope chat line. I also wanted to vent and process about the economy and housing crisis in Northern California as well as this really depressing docuseries I saw on Netflix. Instead of letting me vent and process, the person who was supposed to be holding space for me regardless if we saw eye to eye or not started messaging me about politics and called Californians liberals. I messaged "I have clarity now." meaning I have clarity to get off this chat with you. I got off the chat line feeling unsupported by her but supported by the humor of the situation.
Last night was interesting because at work we had one bottle of 70% of isopropyl alcohol left, one bag of zinc lozenges left, and a few bottles of locally made hand sanitizer (that dwindled down to 0 by the end of the night) left. You can see the wheels turning on the customers brains as they decide if they should buy it or not.
Perhaps they are saying to themselves...
"I already have some at home, I shouldn't buy the last bottle. What if someone else needs it? But I want to buy it just in case."
"I really want hand sanitizer but I don't want to spend $6.99 for it. But even more, I don't want my wife pissed if I come home empty handed."
Perhaps they were feeling a duality. Feeling fear but not wanting to feel fear.
They pick it up and put it in their cart, perhaps even make it to the line with the purchase and return it.
This happened with the alcohol atleast once, the zinc lozenges twice, and the last bottle of hand sanitizer a couple or few times.
One person who did this with the alcohol let me know later that they have a cousin who works in some health type department and the coronavirus has been here since November! Ah Ha! I knew it! This could be true or misinformation. But our minds should be open. The most toxic thing about this is fear and stress.
I feel like this has been a really interesting surreal experience and I just wanted to share it, may add some observation, some open mindedness, and some humor to it, and help release some fear. Thank you for reading and letting me share.
After seeing Marianne Williamson's interview with Anderson Cooper I felt sickened and like I needed to write. Anderson kept cutting off Marianne and putting words into her mouth. Contributing to her "crazy" appearance in regards to depression and Big Pharma. Who owns his show? Who owns him?
Why is Anderson not being open minded to what Marianne has to say in regards to Western Medicine and Big Pharma when as a country we are sick, over weight, depressed, with an opioid epidemic as well as other addictions, violence, mass incarceration, and mass shootings are no longer a surprise? Our systems and industries that we have in place now are not working! We need someone who thinks out of the box like Marianne!
Marianne is the only one addressing all of these issues. Childhood trauma is the number one health crisis. Eventhough she hasn't directly addressed this, she is the only one that has addressed it at all and wants The US to be the happiest place for children to grow up. We develop more from the womb to 7 years of age than any other time combined. Most people who are depressed, sick, over weight, suffer from addiction, are violent, incarcerated, or are mass shooters probably went through a trauma in their child hood that they haven't recieved adequate help with. Mean while Trump is tearing children from their families and putting them in cages and contributing to the problem all to fluff his ego.
In regards to depression and antidepressants... I had depression. Clinical/ Major depression to be exact. I was put on drugs that did numb me and/ or make me feel worse and/ or made me suicidal. Once I was put on the "correct" combination of drugs, if I forgot to take them in the morning and went to work, by lunch time I was having withdrawls. All the drugs did was mask the issue. However what did work was being in touch with my spirituality, energy workers, therapist. I have been fortunate to not check into the stigma of depression and therapy and now I no longer have Clinical/ Major depression. Marianne is not against vaccines or anti depressants, Marianne is against the over use of them and using the over prescriptions as a tool to not get to the core of the issue.
No matter if you want to vote to for Marianne or not, please be open minded and hear what she has to say. She is the only candidate getting to the core of the issues. I hope she wins but if nothing else, she is planting a seed.
You find yourself in a beautiful relaxing clearing in nature. It is the perfect temperature outside and you are dressed perfectly and comfortably for the weather. There is a slight pleasant breeze that gently softly caresses your skin, you are enjoying listening to the birds fly above. In the clearing there is a large beautiful pottery bowl. In the bowl is tobacco burning. You walk up to the tobacco and thank it for the help it has given you. You thank it for helping you relax, to help you digest your food, have regular bowel movements, you thank it for helping you socialize with friends. You thank it for being a friend.
Now it is time to say goodbye to the tobacco. Tell the tobacco that it is time to go because it is clogging your lungs and that you can not breathe as easily as you would like. Tell the tobacco that it is time to go because it makes your hands, breathe, and clothes smell and that what once helped you attract friends is repelling friends from you. Tell the tobacco that it is expensive and you need to spend your money elsewhere. On gas, food, rent, retirement, bills, and things like that. There is a response from the tobacco. Lets listen to what it has to say. Your friend, the tobacco understands and will be able to find new friends. Imagine cutting a cord with the tobacco perhaps with scissors or a sword.
Now you meet your new friend, sunflower seed. Whenever you feel stressed you can crack the shell of the sunflower seed. Whenever you need to put something in your mouth you can with the sunflower seed. Whenever you need to do something with your hand you can hold and even run your thumb back and forth on the sunflower seed.
With your new friend, sunflower seed, you will breathe with ease and smell fresh and clean, New friends will be attracted to you because of your fresh clean smell and your new friends and you will be able to do things like hike which were hard before. You are also saving money in a jar. Money that you other wise would have spent on tobacco that you are now using for a vacation with your new friends.
Embrace your new friend, the sunflower seed and promise your new friends that you will be a faithful and true friend. Thank your new friends, sunflower seed for this new free life.
There was a little girl who was different from her family. She would lay in bed at night and pretend to be asleep. She was waiting for solitude and quiet for her angel to visit. Her one angel had two names Henry and Henrietta. The little girl was confused by her one angel having a boy and a girl name.
“Why do you have a boy and a girl name?” The little girl asked.
“I happen to be both man and woman.” Replied her angel
The little girl had a very confused look on her face.
“What is wrong my dear?” Asked the angel.
“Mommy and Daddy tell me that angels are good but they also tell me that anyone who is different is bad. Are you a bad angel?”
“I understand. Let me ask you a question. Do you believe in good angels?” Asked the angel
“I do!” Exclaimed the little girl.
“All angels are both boy and girl. This is a beautiful experience. A separation of the sexes on Mother Earth is to help humans learn lessons. And that goes for different colors, cultures, attractiveness, religions, wealth, and intellect too. We are put on this earth to learn lessons and ultimately learn to love. If we were all the same sex, color, culture, attractiveness, religion, had the same intellect, and had the same wealth, where would the conflict and lessons be? Unfortunately, it is taking longer than expected to love.”
“Why?” Asked the little girl.
“I am not sure.” Said the angel.
“How are you taught to love?” Asked the angel.
“I love my family and friends and pets and toys.”
“Is there anyone else?” Asked the angel.
“No, I am scared that I will get in trouble if I love anyone else, anyone different.” Said the little girl.
“Do you love yourself?” Asked the angel.
“I don’t know. My parents only love me when I do what they say and sometimes I still get in trouble.” Replied the little girl.
“I will be around you always to help you know deep down how to love. You may not realize this until you are older. I will teach you to be true to yourself. I will teach you compassion. And that you are only truly compassionate when you are compassionate to others while maintaining compassion for yourself. To love everyone regardless of sexual orientation, race, religion while also treating your energetic body and home as a sacred space. I will teach you to love yourself. In the end love will be what is powerful. There will be no currency. Love will be survival.
There is an old lady, her name is The Landlord. She wears her age well and has long beautiful grey hair. Every wrinkle just makes her more and more beautiful, accentuating her wisdom and authenticity. She has a closet full of beautiful and creative clothes. She does not let her age affect her fashion at all. Sometimes she dresses like royalty other times she dresses like she is homeless and everything between. Regardless of how she is dressed she is always filled with and radiates love, care, trust, beauty, wonder, and majesty.
She has several different types of homes for rent: low income apartments, studios, lofts, duplexes, town houses, cookie cutter homes, mansions, castles. Did I miss anything? She has that for rent as well. She stocks every home with a life time supply of love, care, trust, warmth, comfort, food, clothes, and anything else that is needed. Her agreement is simple but not always read. Her tenants often times over complicate the agreement therefore pushing it to the side.
Her tenants are very busy and think of themselves as much smarter than they really are. For some reason they have taken her love and turned it to hate, they have taken her care and turned it to greed, they have taken her trust and mocked it with terms such as naïve and gullible, they have taken her warmth and comfort and turned it into a commodity. They have taken her food, her healing food, and poisoned it. They have taken her clothes and used it as a way to separate themselves even more as if they weren’t already separated enough. Even people, families, who live together become separate.
Continuing to avoid the agreement they violate it more and more. Pocking and prodding the land they rented as they wish with no regard. They become so busy and separate that they completely forget about the land lord.
She walks down the side walk in her neighborhoods and no one meets her eyes, smiles, or says hello. She is very lonely and sensitive and absorbing all of the hate, greed, and poison around her. She goes through waves of emotions and cries.
As her tenants become more and more busy and more and more separate they become more and more delusional and pass off their delusion as truth. What the land lord owns they sell and buy. What the landlord owns they pass off as their own. What the land lord owns they poke and prod. Money is passed off as power. And some of the tenants think of themselves as more powerful than the others. They are breaking her. They are breaking her heart. If they only realized they live in her heart and only love is the truth. Everything else is an illusion.
Others continually guess my age to be seven to 17 years less than it really is and I am continually complimented on my skin. When at work on the retail floor of a vitamin department and customers ask me my skin regimen they are always a little shocked when I go over supplements for their skin with them before body care. I do use some amazing body care products and will go over those at a later date.
I initially started using chlorophyll when living with my ex-fiancé and we were remodeling his house a bit. Unfortunately the remodeling required the use of some chemicals and I wanted to protect myself from them so I started drinking chlorophyll. I felt so amazing drinking it that I continued to drink it after the remodeling was finished and now I have been drinking it for around six years. I just felt like that I could breathe so much deeper and easier while drinking it and more energized of course. I even got friends who were marathon runners and triathletes hooked on it. Another thing that I did notice while drinking it is that my skin looked fresher and younger!
Chlorophyll helps with so many things: The building of blood, maximizes lung function and lung capacity, increases energy, great for digestion, internal body deodorizer, and skin of course including teen acne.
Chlorophyll being good for digestion will help with skin since our skin health can be a reflection of our digestion and/or liver health. But chlorophyll is also antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial helping many aspects of our health including skin that way.
Kombucha, Kimchi, Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar, etc… Consuming drinks and foods like this regularly if not daily can help with skin. Fermented foods have probiotics and enzymes supporting our gut health which our skin health is a reflection of.
Asian women are known to be beautiful especially for having beautiful skin. Have you ever noticed an Asian woman who eats close to her ethnic diet including kimchi? She will have beautiful skin!
Niacin is a B vitamin most commonly used today for heart and mental health but it is also great for the skin! Usually people do not want and buy No Flush or Flush Free Niacin but we want the flush. It is good for us. If you are not aware of flushing and experience it, it can be scary. Your skin will get all hot and red and prickly. But this is a good thing. What the Niacin is doing is increasing the width of the capillaries allowing for more fresh blood to come to the surface of the skin and it is detoxifying not only through our skin but our lungs. Using niacin regularly (I like to use it while having a spa day at home of dry skin brushing, clay mask, hair mask, and steamy hot showers! :)) will help make your skin look fresher and I have heard feedback that it decreases wrinkles!
When working on your skin and the appearance of it, please keep it mind that it is our largest organ especially one that we detoxify through and is a reflection of our health on the inside! Therefore along with staying hydrated please try these few supplements for a start! Comments are welcomed!