Hi! :) Are you a "YES" Person? I used to be!
Maybe being a "YES" Person is part of being a female raised in the rural south. Or maybe it was just part of my families dynamics. But I did not know how to say no. There was so much risk and fear wrapped up in saying no. Disappointment, Rejection, Retaliation, Isolation, Loneliness, just to name a few.
Then I went through a very traumatic experience that is now one of the greatest gifts that I ever received.
I was in college and dating a man that got stationed in South Korea one week after 9/11. We spoke every other day and emailed when he had internet access at an internet cafe. I sent him love letters everyday and care packages often. About 5 months in, he cheated on me. One of his friends girlfriends accidentally came across an email where he was "bragging" about it and she let me know and forwarded me the email. I was devastated. I was devastated to the point that almost all of my plants died.
Unfortunately but fortunately I was speaking with one of my classmates about it. I think she was also the "President" or some other office of this Nutrition club we were in. (Eye roll) As I was balling my eyes out to her, she asked me to head up a fundraiser. Well I can not stand fundraising period! Especially not when I am going through a break up. Between my gasp of air while crying I said "yes". Simply because I did not know how to say no. Well, that is the last time I ever said yes unless it is something that I 100%, without a doubt, want to say yes to!
The overwhelm of school, the breakup, and now the god awful fundraiser led me to a mental breakdown.
Every since, if I am not 100% without a doubt sure, even if I am 99% sure, I say "let me think about it", "Give me a couple days to think about it.", "I will let you know in a couple days." or if I know I don't want to say yes, I say "No." If someone has a problem with that response or is impatient, that is their problem. That is their personal growth to bare. The weight of saying No and risking the disappointment, rejection, retaliation, isolation, loneliness is nothing compared to the weight of being overwhelmed, having health issues or a mental breakdown, and letting yourself down.
Since, I have helped other people to say no by telling them this story. It also helps to know that the person who you are telling no to is probably more receptive to it than you let yourself realize. Perhaps even appreciative and respectful of your boundaries. It is helpful for everyone's growth. Here is an example... you ask your roommate to help you plant a garden and they don't want to. Would you rather them say "No, I don't want to." so you can get on with it yourself or find someone else to help you? Or would you rather them say "Yes" when they have no intention, string you along, you feel left hanging, and then it is too late to plant a garden?
Since I have received this gift of saying no I have also learned discernment, more and better boundaries and self love. Energy work, Meditation, Hypnosis, Deep Breathing have all helped me be in touch with all of the different parts of myself and love myself. One of the best ways I love myself is discerning who I let into my life and having boundaries. There are so many ways for us to love ourselves but for me, in this incarnation, this is one of the best ways for me.
If you are a "YES" person, I hope this helped you. If you are not a "YES" person, I hope you found this story entertaining.